The reasons behind why your husband would leave you could be numerous. There could be many overlapping and varied beyond imagination. Lets be honest, we’ve all heard of some crazy reasons for relationships ending. But, this article is focusing on the most common tells to look for. For instance, it may be that he has found happiness with a new woman, or that he is just wishing for another woman. Maybe you’re feeling neglected, that he has been ignoring you or is uninterested in your marriage. He may be pulling away for many reasons. Here we take a look at what the experts say are signs to watch for, and why they may be occurring.
First sign – Why are you even worried
If you suspect something, chances are something is happening. The fact that you are driven to find answers, is what would be considered the Yellow Light of Love. This is where you ask yourself the hard questions. You must have a reason you are here. Is it that your husband is distant, to close to another or you feel him manipulating you? The first step is to confront him about it. Call him out on his behavior and explain how it is making you feel. Also, set up boundaries. It’s crucial to set boundaries in a relationship of any kind, but especially with a love interest & in your marriage. Its crucial, to help both parties understand one another. Don’t judge him for his actions or words – literally, treating him the way you want to be treated IS EVERYTHING – try to focus less on his actions, and more on how to understand his behavior and how it affects you. If you are being manipulated, we are heading into the Red Light of Love.
Right off, if you are dealing with a manipulator, you need some emotional back up. This is something you need to openly talk about with your friends & family members and seeking out a professional to help you navigate your feelings, is always a good idea. It’s important to remember that a manipulator is not necessarily a horrible human being and may not be aware that he’s even doing it and has no intention to harm you. That doesn’t make it okay. You should learn how to recognize these signs and get help if necessary. You need to make sure that your safety and integrity are always priority & protected. Never let a manipulator control you or manipulate you in any way.
Do not let your partner confuse you. If you find yourself baffled and overwhelmed by your partner, take a step back. Time for some self-evaluation. You should never be confused or gaslit in conversations with the people you love. Its not a solid place to negotiate from, when matters of the heart are involved. These signs of intentional manipulation are subtle and disguised as love. The manipulator works on your subconscious to change the balance of power in their favor. This way, he gives you the impression that you’re in control. Ultimately, your partner’s actions are influenced by his emotional state. As a result, you will never – you can’t – feel safe in your relationship.
Remember, if you suspect that your partner is intentionally manipulating you, it’s important to speak with a mental health professional. A psychological abuser can and will use psychological tricks to make you believe that they’re the victim of abuse. These tactics can be scary & threaten your own mental health. You need to seek help immediately if you suspect that your husband is manipulating you.
Next sign -He’s not present in your marriage
Withdrawal from your daily lives and the things you once enjoyed together is another Yellow Light. If you are asking yourself why, chances are you already know the answer. If he has stopped spending time with you, your husband may be avoiding you emotionally. It isn’t wise to jump to this being a sign of another woman, as it is often a sign of their own insecurities and belief that they are failing you. This behavior could be because of guilt or shame. In such a situation, the best approach is to show him how much you care and not push to hard for an explanation. It may be wise, to seek a couple counselor and give him a safe space to express himself. What isn’t wise, is accusing someone of being unfaithful, when its got nothing to do with that. Tread lightly here and with love.
Another sign – He’s just not in love with you
While we as women usually monitor our relationships on an emotional level, men tend to be more passive and less interested in a relationships well-being and more interested in its function. Again, this may have nothing to do with an extra marital affair – it’s a him problem, that is now a you problem. If you’re wondering why your husband may not love you anymore, don’t immediately go to a betrayal with another woman. There are several reasons why he may be falling, or has fallen, out of love with you. There are numerous signs you should keep an eye out for. These go beyond the distracted or disinterested husband; we are talking about those who are deep into separating his life from you. This could include hiding money and important matters from you or closing you off from his finances & life outside the home completely. These are signs of a falling out of love, and you should act on them as soon as possible.
If your husband doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you or is spending too much time on the phone, he simply may be bored with you. This is an indication that he’s not having fun or engaged with you, but it’s not necessarily an indication of infidelity. He may simply be distracted by something else, which explains the change in activity levels. Similarly, if he has less libido than before, he may be putting his focus on someone else. If he has already left and you are interested in how to get your ex-back view our post on that topic
If he’s not in love with you anymore, barring an affair, you obviously have to reevaluate your relationship – but that’s not to say your relationship is over yet. If you value your marriage and want to fight for it, you should still try to resolve the issues. If you can’t get past it, and want to get out of the relationship, you should consider moving on to something else. And I hate to be superficial, but some of you are, so if you are unhappy with your husband’s appearance or something that shallow – or even if his ambition isn’t enough for you – it may be time to think about leaving.
The Worst Sign – The mistress
The largest, most glaring clue of an affair almost always is the change in physical intimacy & this is a Red Light of Love for me. People will try to hide his affair, either because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or because he is adrenaline-driven, but they always tell on themselves, through their emotional and physical neglect. Physical intimacy is crucial in a relationship. Without it, you are living and unfulfilled relationship. If he refuses to share physical intimacy, you should take a long look at your husband’s behavior and determine what is really going on with him.
Keep in mind; most men who cheat, don’t leave their wives for their mistresses. Even if they are caught, cheaters don’t leave their wives. They want their cake and eat it too. Its counter intuitive, but men who have affairs are afraid of the long-term consequences of the cheating, and would rather throw away their mistresses, than leave their wives. The overwhelming norm is that unfaithful men do not leave their wives for being discovered – they will stay. They leave when they are confronted by a wife, who is no longer putting up with it. Most of the time, it is entirely up to the wife, and what she is willing to put up with. I have no patience for Tammy Wynette. But that is me. Forgiving an affair is something for each woman to decide if she can endure, that is not something I can do. You confront the real reasons for the cheating, face it & see it through the best you can.
Overall, physical signs of cheating are easy to spot, there are also subtler signs that can prove your suspicions. Discrepancy is easy to spot when you’re looking at the credit card charges or secret messages. If you are at the point of spying on your Spouse, you know where you stand. And if you can forgive, and if your husband wants to stay, he must act with full honesty and transparency and show extreme remorse for his actions – and obviously, he also has to end the affair.
Last sign – He’s no longer in love and its over
If your relationship is experiencing trouble and you’re at the end, the best thing to do is to try and talk it out with your husband & hopefully you can be heard. It is worth trying to share your emotions with him, but it is vital to remain respectful. You should use ‘I’ messages and listen to what he has to say without being defensive. After the talk, you can decide on what to do next. If you are dealing with a non-verbal mate, and you cannot get him to engage then you might want to consider seeking counseling. But you need to find the answer of, why.
Once you’ve gotten to the bottom of what has brought you to this place in your marriage & have addressed it directly with him – you have choices to make. If your husband doesn’t love you anymore, its time for acceptance and moving forward alone. But, when it’s not clear cut, you’ll have to choose between rebuilding your relationship or ultimately ending the marriage. Within both options, are healthy ways forward. If you’ve been married for many years, it’s time to take a deep breath and consider what your next steps should be. There’s always hope – there’s still time to fix the problems. Always. Good luck out there Ladies.