How To Get Back With Ex
How to get back with ex, this is the question. When you are hurting the most in life, feeling the most abandoned – we as humans, choose to Google a solution. And, that’s not dumb. Of course we would, and we also expect – even pray for – a quick fix answer. I get it, and I am going to try and sum it all up for you here. After sifting through umpteen articles, posts & blogs, the following is the most doled out advice and strategies today.
Right out the gate, the overwhelming sentiment, is to be Persistent, as well as Consistent. Persistency is a key element in learning how to get what you want in life in general, and will only help in trying to get your ex back. That does not mean, to be a pest. Do not make the mistake of quadrupling your text messages every morning or flooding their DMs with love letters – that is not what the advice givers are getting at. Always remember, Neediness in any relationship will lower your value, it is the last way you want to be seen in your ex’s eyes. Real persistence means not quitting and not getting in their way. The goal is to showing strength, show your convictions and stick to them – to make them want you again you cannot be weak & needy – they’ll quit on you and if you remain weak, you will never gain their attention again.
Now that we have that established, here are some pointers to work with.
Radio silence
Radio silence is mentioned more often than any other tactic offered, and I have to agree. I think it’s the most pure strategy, and a great method to win back your ex. I also like this, because if its REALLY over, you will learn quickly with this route, if they miss you at all. So be warned, this is not a fix all. If its broken, it’s broken. But, for most of us, love is never irrevocably broken and so carry forth with caution. Radio silence can bring pleasant memories and unfulfilled dreams to the forefront of your loves mind. However, it can also have negative consequences, so prepare your heart – you never know – but I believe, love is worth the shot.
Silence can make the heart grow fonder, and that is simply what you are hoping; for your ex to miss you. In a perfect world, you are showing him what it really will be like in the world, if you completely disappear & he will miss you. This quiet time can be crucial in reminding your ex why he loves you and leading him back to craving your love, giving you the perfect opportunity to win him back. Make sure to adhere to the rules closely though… If you can’t stay silent for a week or so, try a different approach.
Be smart about your body language. Your ex reads your body language, energy, and state of mind and being subconsciously and all at once. While some people are good at seduction, others are not – knowing your strengths here is key and if you follow these tips, you’ll likely find your ex is more attracted to you! There are many other ways to win your ex back, and this method is one of them to integrate into your plan. And remember radio silence does not have to be a painful ordeal! It’s an opportunity to show your ex how happy and successful you are without them, but not too happy, of course.
Practice is part of radio silence. This tactic may seem easy at first, but it sometimes is not. For most, it takes time to master. Don’t give up, go into it halfhearted or make it too easy. Radio silence will work if you seem strong and confident – strong enough to ignore your ex’s calls and texts. In my opinion it’s the most effective way to win back your ex. If you can practice radio silence and stick to it for several weeks, it will give you the time to regain control of your life & relationship and find your own strengths too.
No contact period
When you ask yourself why you’ve been avoiding your ex, you’ll likely come up with different answers. You may feel that the breakup was too bad or too painful, or that you aren’t good enough for him/her, but the truth is that your ex is probably feeling both ways. During a no-contact period, you are giving your ex the opportunity to miss you and miss the relationship you once had, this is somewhat like the radio silence concept. If your ex is missing you enough to make contact, they will reach out to you. You may be asking yourself “should i text my ex” the answer is no, not during this time.
Another way to use a no-contact rule to get your ex back is to make a statement. If you tell your ex that you’re going on a no-contact period, they’ll be more likely to respect your wishes and stop chasing you down. By letting your ex know you’re busy with your own life, they’ll have the impression that you’re not interested in interacting with them. Hopefully, this will make them want to talk to you more.
In addition to avoiding your ex socially, the advice givers say you should wait at least 4 weeks to make any contact them at all. That’s not to say, there won’t be attempts made; some men will reach out to check in with you after 3 days, while others will wait up to 3 weeks or more. I think it’s important to note that there is the school of thought and belief in the 48 hour rule of no-contact – this is a do or die mentality and is a straight forward way of deciding if you should attempt to get your ex back. I don’t subscribe to that & think it’s important to keep in mind that making demands, doesn’t usually amount to a magic bullet. There is no single way to make your ex fall in love with you again, but space and time apart does ultimately seem to offer you the best chance for getting back together.
When you’re dealing with a breakup, it can be very difficult to decide whether you should go on with the relationship or not. It’s hard to know what’s going on, but the no-contact period allows you to think about your feelings and decide if the relationship is salvageable. If you’re confused, in anyway, about your relationship, a no-contact period might be just the thing you need to move forward.
In-person interaction
At the point in which you begin seeing you ex socially again, or even when you first begin to reach out in any way, it is primary that you keep your emotions in check. If you truly want your ex back, you must avoid fighting, bickering, nagging, pleading and arguing at all costs. It serves you zero good to insert strife into your relationship again. If you are not in the headspace to be calm, do not bother – you may not get a second chance at this, and could cause your ex to become angry and frustrated beyond repair. The end of your relationship could be the result of you being accused of being the problem.
If you are desperate and want your ex back, you should not resort to these tactics. You must avoid letting the emotions of guilt or shame get the better of you. You should never verbally attack your ex’s friends, family members, or co-workers.
It is better to call your ex than to send text messages, it’s common for those to be misconstrued. And when you do, try to have a conversation with your ex about something relevant to your life. Don’t make the call if it is not an important one. Your ex might begin avoiding phone calls or texts if he feels they are needy and unnecessary, so make your calls when they are necessary and important. Remember, this will be your chance to rekindle a flame in your ex’s heart.
Have a plan when you do reach out. You will know your audience, but here are a few ideas… You can remind your ex about the last skiing trip you took together or try asking questions about skiing conditions and where you went. You shouldn’t be afraid to show that you still care about your ex. He hopefully will respond positively to your questions, and you will end the conversations In such way, he will remember how important you are to him. This may give you a chance to win him back, but do not push.
Do not try to manipulate your ex by contacting their friends and family. This tactic will backfire and is just adding issues, that do not need to be there. In the long run, a moment of attacking his loved ones can lead to years of drama and negative emotions. The key to success with regaining the love of your ex is to be strategic and focus on achieving your relationship goals and mental peace. Avoid negative emotions and fears. These are the biggest obstacles in getting your ex back. You must keep them under control, and if you are unable to, it maybe you not him.
Keeping perspective
You should be asking yourself why you are going through this, continually. Wondering why it is so hard to get your ex back and whether the relationship is worth the fight, is expected. After all, we know that the breakup occurred for one reason or another – but there certainly is a reason. The relationship may have been so good for you, but your ex might not have felt the same way & that has to be acknowledged too. This question must be pondered, and you have to resist the urge to try and do the impossible. Your heart is driving you, and the impulse may be so strong that your mind is actually bending perception. It is a normal course of action in grief & is the way your brain protects you from emotional pain, but that doesn’t mean it is reality. To keep perspective, try to ask yourself if your ex still cares about you. It’s that simple.
If your breakup with your ex was because of your feelings, you may be of the mindset that you can just turn it around. This isn’t wise, or recommended, either. You should always remember that if you do get back together, you’ll be a different person from before. If you’ve taken the time to yourself & done any self-reflection at all, you will have grown. Your happiness won’t solely depend on your ex anymore. Rather, focus on making a new relationship and moving on. Keeping that in mind and the work you’ve done on yourself in perspective as you embark on a new relationship with your ex back can be a difficult task, but if you’re serious about it, you can take steps to make it work.
Remember that the only way to get your ex back is to determine what went wrong in your relationship and figure out what you need to change. The reasons for breaking up are varied and each relationship has a unique solution. Once you have identified the root of your ex’s anger, you must move on to fixing the issues. Keeping perspective to get your ex back is easier said than done, but it’s worth it.
Avoiding making the same mistakes that led to the end of the relationship
This is the obvious answer, but to get your ex back, you must avoid making the same mistakes that caused the breakup in the first place. You must address that core issue. While you are alone and in the no contact time, the goal is to use that time to help you to reflect on the relationship and yourself. Take this period seriously, ensure that there are no reminders of your ex around so that your mind is clear.
Attempting to get your ex back, without truly accepting what ended the relationship to begin with, is a complete waste of time. If you cannot look at yourself and his behavior honestly, there is no point to going forward. And, if your ex or you continue to make the same mistakes that caused the breakup, you will only push each other further away and the end to your relationship will not be far off. Don’t get caught in the surface stuff, either – the love you have, better be deeper than his looks. People often feel strongly about getting back together, based on a sexual connection. Although that is hugely important, it won’t cut it as the basis for your relationship. That is not a foundation that will last. Another issue that may doom a romance is fear of commitment or inability to give completely. Many people are incapable of opening up about their true feelings for fear of being vulnerable, have deep scars that they have not addressed, etc. Think about where your relationship barriers are during the reflection time. Regardless, the no contact rule is primary because it allows you that space to wonder.
Rekindling the relationship does not mean lighting the same candle. As stated, it means starting a new relationship with someone. Never forget, you have two different personalities and that you didn’t fully realize the potential of the relationship in the past – remember why, in a positive and learn from it. Focus on being genuine and honest with yourself. Do not try to change your ex’s mind, simply to get together and let yourselves HONESTLY fall back together.
Last tips: People are visual & emotional creatures. Looking your best is awesome, but people can feel if you are weak or desperate – and if you are, you have not worked on yourself. You can’t hide neediness, it’s not attractive & your ex will not want you back. The same is true for being aggressive. Be sure to avoid arguing with your ex or acting jealous. Avoiding arguments in general, will help in life. And if after all this, you are still confused and none of this makes sense – call your loved ones. Sometimes, you just need the people who see you best to guide you through. Good luck out there, and make good choices.
