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How Dating a Narcissist Changes You

How Dating a Narcissist Changes You

Dating A Narcissist

If you’re wondering, “How dating a narcissist will change you,” you’ve come to the right place. In this article, I’ll outline some of the biggest changes you’ll undergo. Ultimately, the biggest change is one of your life’s biggest lessons. Narcissists are not the only ones who are broken. In fact, a large number of people who were once considered’strong and independent’ are actually broken. The narcissist will be no exception.

Changing your personality

The first step to escaping a toxic relationship is to change your personality. You must learn to appreciate your own strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses in a supportive manner. Narcissists are fearful of conflict and the idea of being alone. They don’t want you to feel alone, so they tend to downplay your weaknesses. However, you can use this to your advantage. Listed below are some helpful tips to change your personality in a relationship with a narcissist.

Avoiding a narcissist’s negative traits is important. Often, narcissists isolate themselves and give up their own interests to satisfy their partners. They also forget about their own self, expecting others to admire them and despise other people. They don’t trust their own instincts and can have unrealistic expectations of other people. Therefore, they can affect your self-esteem, so it’s important to take care of yourself.

A narcissist’s behavior is very possessive, jealous, and insecure. They often criticize others and try to destroy their victims’ self-esteem. A narcissist will also put you down. They don’t like the attention that they give others. They will use their manipulation tactics to make you feel inferior and utterly useless. Changing your personality when dating a narcissist

Can Narcissists Change?

If you’ve ever wondered, “Can narcissists change?”, you’re not alone. Those who suffer from this condition are often unable to see past their own distorted perceptions and can’t understand others. However, there is help available for them. Through talk therapy, these individuals can better understand their own feelings and behavior. It can also help them recognize their strengths and learn to tolerate criticism. In some cases, they may even be able to collaborate with others. However, it is important to keep in mind that change is a process that may take months or even years. Therefore, you should not give up too easily or think that therapy is a waste of time.

Narcissists can be divided into two categories: the overt and the covert variety. Overt narcissists are loud about their achievements and often have an overly proud personality. These narcissists may also be charismatic and successful in many aspects of their lives, but it can be challenging to maintain relationships with them.

Fortunately, narcissists can be trained to change. They can change their behavior and improve their moods and emotions. By providing them with an external motivator, they may learn the correct ways to interact with others. This is possible even if their narcissistic behavior is a result of a disorder or imbalance in their mind.

Self-esteem

There are many reasons why dating a narcissist changes the way you feel about yourself. Narcissists have a tendency to use logic and a lack of self-esteem to justify their actions and to make you feel small and unimportant. You may find yourself giving in to their demands, which dampens your spirit. Narcissists also often have trouble making decisions and setting healthy boundaries.

Narcissists tend to isolate themselves from the world around them, denying them of any interests. This type of partner is very untrustworthy and often gives up on their own interests for their partner’s sake. These victims feel shame and guilt and are not sure how they ended up becoming someone they despise. Eventually, the victim will feel like they’ve lost all self-respect and are left alone.

Unfortunately, dating a narcissist can destroy your self-esteem and your relationship. Narcissists can cause self-doubt, and even eating disorders. Those who fall victim to this type of person may also find themselves putting their relationships, education, and even their own safety on hold, as a result. It is essential to keep this in mind if you’re dating a narcissist, as it could damage your self-esteem for years to come.

After the breakup, it’s important to rebuild relationships with family and friends. Narcissists often cut off their victims’ support networks, so it’s important to build those relationships as soon as possible. If you have trouble re-entering the world, counseling may help you overcome these difficulties. If you want to avoid the psychological trauma of dating a narcissist, talk to a licensed therapist.

Why Do Narcissists Lie?

When narcissists are confronted with a challenge, they will lie to protect themselves. This is necessary to sustain their fantasy world. Narcissists’ lies are woven into their identity, and they may not even realize they are lying. Nevertheless, this does not make them untrustworthy.

Narcissists use a variety of manipulation tactics to make their victims believe they are being untruthful. For example, they will accuse you of doing things they are doing. They will ask you about what apps you have on your phone or what you’re doing on social media. These are all ways to distract you from them.

Narcissists also use lying to justify their actions. They believe that by lying and telling part-truths, they appear more credible. They may even lie to get what they want. But if you follow the money, you will find that narcissists will do anything that benefits them.

Relationships

Dating a narcissist is like entering a different world altogether. This person believes that they are entitled to special treatment and never stop demanding attention. Although they may display some hints of empathy, their behavior is almost always dictated by their needs. Narcissists will try to manipulate you, making you feel small and helpless. They will force you to do things without thinking about the consequences, and will often compliment you to get what they want from you.

Dating a narcissist can change your relationships in several ways. In the beginning, they will put you on a pedestal, relegating you to a lower level of importance. They will also turn your strengths into negative qualities. You will find that narcissists will ruin any outside source of joy. They will also sabotage your efforts to find happiness in a new relationship.

Once you’ve decided to break up with your narcissist, the first thing to do is to distance yourself from them. Your narcissist may try to contact you, telling you that you’re to blame for the breakup. Taking space is an effective way to rebuild your self-esteem and get back in touch with your own relationship goals. You can talk to your friends, family, and co-workers to learn how to break up with your narcissist.

Can Narcissists Love?

When it comes to relationships, one question that is always in the back of everyone’s mind is “Can Narcissists Love?” Narcissists are not good at asking questions about their partners. They have no empathy for others, and they don’t think about the consequences of their actions. This means that they cannot develop true emotional bonds with other people. Consequently, they cannot find a lifetime partner.

Narcissists can fall in love, but they can never truly love another human being. This is because they are too consumed with themselves and their problems to have any room for other people. As such, they cannot develop any deeper relationships. In the case of romantic feelings, a narcissist will rephrase the truth to make it appear as though it is only the other person who is in control.

Narcissists are notoriously difficult to love. They don’t understand other people’s emotions and will often disregard their needs. They often live in their own world, where they are of the highest importance. As a result, their relationships often revolve around giving and taking. It is essential to realize that a narcissist’s entire identity is based on his or her flawlessness.

Narcissists lack empathy. They cannot put themselves in another person’s shoes and simply use other people to satisfy their needs. However, they can be loving and attentive to their partners if they are not completely egocentric.

Controlling your life

If your partner has become a narcissist, it may be time to break up with them. These people can be verbally or physically abusive. Therefore, if you want to prevent any further problems, you must learn how to distinguish narcissistic personality traits from narcissistic personality disorder. However, there are times when a narcissist may not be an actual narcissist. However, even if they do have narcissistic traits, they may not be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

Despite this, there are still ways to learn from a narcissist. You need to ask yourself the tough questions. The answers will bring you clarity and help you understand if you really need coping strategies. Narcissists will often deny everything they say or do and rewrite history. This behavior is often driven by narcissistic tendencies to minimize other people and their imperfections.

While narcissists may be prone to blaming you for their behavior, they rarely have healthy relationships. Instead, they will often put you down and doubt you when you do something that is important to them. Breaking free of this person’s control will open your eyes to the narcissistic attitude and help you strive for higher goals. Your partner will be much more appreciative of your effort if you show them that you value and appreciate their contributions to your life.

Stealing from you

Narcissists are controlling, unempathetic and afraid of conflict. They want to control everything, including you. The relationship is often a constant battle of wills, and they may make you feel small and insignificant by telling you to do what they say. In addition, they may make you feel as if you can’t achieve anything. They also can make you feel as if you have no ability to set healthy boundaries.

If you’re a narcissist, you may be tempted to feel savagely judged by the people around you. The good news is that there’s plenty of criticism and support for narcissist victims – you’re not alone! While it may be difficult to escape your narcissist, you can learn to deal with the aftermath of your experience.

If you’re a victim of a narcissist, the narcissist will try to convince you that you’re right and that you’re the one who needs them. However, this won’t work. The narcissist will try to make you doubt yourself and your ability to form healthy relationships. Despite your instincts, you should leave the relationship if you find yourself in a toxic relationship.

As you move on from the narcissist’s control, you’ll develop your own self-esteem and be more aware of the people around you. You may have forgotten your own self-worth during your relationship, but you’ll be able to set boundaries and stick to them. This will help you grow into a better person, and it will also improve your relationships with family and friends.

Making you doubt your own decisions

Gaslighting is a common strategy narcissists use to control and isolate their victims. By denying the reality of their own actions and statements, narcissists can deceive you into believing their version of events. This deception can lead to a variety of negative effects on the relationship. Here are seven things to look for to spot gaslighting.

First, try to recognize when the narcissist is trying to manipulate you. If you feel threatened, he or she may resurrect flattery and adoration. He or she may also make false promises about changing their behavior. You may need to separate yourself from the relationship to keep the relationship intact. Ultimately, you need to make the best decision for yourself.

Second, narcissists play into your feelings of insecurity and unlovability. Their lack of emotional capacity makes you wary of falling in love, especially if you’re already insecure and fearful. When you feel alone and doubt yourself, the narcissist will blame you for their own actions and make it difficult to make new relationships. These negative effects may make you doubt your own decisions and abilities, which could have a devastating effect on your life.

Second, dating a narcissist can severely damage your self-esteem. If your partner is controlling and manipulative, you may have trouble trusting him or her. You may begin to doubt your own decisions. This could also lead to feelings of fear and confusion. You may want to consider counseling. However, it’s better to avoid this person than to try to make it work on your own.

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Benefits of Residential Substance Abuse Treatment

Benefits of Residential Substance Abuse Treatment

Substance Abuse Treatment Benefits

If you are looking for information about the benefits of residential substance abuse treatment, you should understand your treatment options. While outpatient care may be more cost-effective & part of a person’s short-term plan for dealing with their addiction symptoms, inpatient residential treatment can offer long-term benefits that outweigh the cost savings. Residential treatment is generally more effective than outpatient care and uses the most common form of therapy – talk therapy. Here are some of the benefits of residential treatment for addiction. Listed below are some of the options and things to consider in your treatment plan, as well as some estimated costs you may incur with individual or couples addiction treatment. We review here, residential substance abuse treatment and why it may be more effective than outpatient care, and why it costs more, but could be worth it. Read on to learn more.

Long-Term Residential Substance Abuse Treatment

While short-term, or outpatient, residential care may be ideal for some individuals who have a history of addiction and that course suits them well; but it has been determined by many professionals in the treatment space that long-term residential substance abuse treatment, is advantageous and aids in a more successful outcome in most cases. This type of treatment supports an individual’s efforts to learn how to stay sober by empowering him or her with the tools needed to maintain sobriety, in a settled environment. Long-term residential substance abuse treatment benefits also include the ability to build a strong support system that helps those struggling with addiction to stay clean and sober long-term.

Treatment usually lasts 90 days or more, although many facilities offer extended care to meet the needs of their clients. Moreover, long-term residential drug treatment programs usually include aftercare support, such as connections to sober living homes, community support groups, and formal addiction treatment. Short-term residential treatment programs are generally less intensive and can be of great help, but long-term residential addiction treatment offers the best results for those who are dealing with chronic addiction.

A long-term residential treatment program is also important when other forms of treatment are not working. Long-term residential programs provide a highly structured environment in which a patient can focus on their personal and physical recovery. Moreover, the individual will have a better chance of sustaining a healthy and productive lifestyle after completing a treatment program. These benefits of residential substance abuse treatment should not be overlooked. Professionals agree, if you want to fight addiction for good, residential treatment is the way to go.

Costs of Residential Substance Abuse Treatment
Costs of Residential Substance Abuse Treatment

Costs of Residential Substance Abuse Treatment

The cost of residential substance abuse treatment can vary significantly depending on the type of treatment you choose. Some programs are actually free, although not common, while others require you to pay a simple monthly fee. Outpatient programs do offer the same programs, therapy and support as inpatient programs, but they don’t provide the critical component of round-the-clock care. These inpatient programs can cost anywhere from $2,000 to $10,000 per day, and the length of the program offered may range from a few weeks to a several months.

Out-of-pocket expenses do vary widely, and this variation is clearly a reflection of the level of care and amenities. Basic rehab facilities may cost as little as $5,000 to $25,000 a month, while luxury rehab facilities may cost upwards of $100,000 a month. There is a geographical aspect, as costs will also vary by city, as large metropolitan areas tend to have higher costs than smaller ones. You have to keep in mind the total costs & remember, traveling to a more affordable rehab facility in another city will add up. Therefore, it’s important to weigh the cost of residential treatment location, costs of travel to a cheaper facility may add up. Do the math, before you make your selection.

Regardless of your situation, residential rehab will be more expensive and is more regimented than outpatient rehab. An intensive outpatient program allows patients to continue their daily routines, while a partial hospitalization program requires a three-day or five-day stay at the rehab center. Both programs include therapy, learning how to cope with addiction, and a detoxification program. In-patient rehabs can cost between $5,000 to 80,000 per day, although programs are free or heavily subsidized.

Talk Therapy Is The Most Common Therapy

One of the main objectives of substance abuse treatment is to change the patient’s lifestyle. This often involves modifying the way the patient thinks and acts, and it helps them develop better problem-solving and emotion-regulation skills. Patients are encouraged to learn new activities to combat negative affect and find social support. This type of therapy may also include exercises, volunteer work, and other activities that provide enjoyment and distraction. Couples therapy is very important to be implemented with couples who are recovering together.

Other forms of therapy include multidimensional family therapy, which focuses on the family’s relationship with the substance-abusing individual. During this therapy, the entire family meets with the therapist to explore the influences of the addict’s environment, and to improve their functioning. Motivational enhancement therapy, also known as motivational interviewing, is another form of short-term treatment. It is effective in addressing substance-abuse problems and has a variety of positive effects on clients.

Talk therapy, also called psychotherapy, helps a patient identify issues that are causing emotional distress. Complex issues may result in the diagnosis of depression or anxiety. By discussing feelings in a safe environment, the therapist is able to identify the causes of stress and develop solutions to help the individual. This process may be used in combination with cognitive-behavioral therapy and behavioral guidance, and some facilities offer teletherapy for people who are not able to come to the facility.

It Is More Effective Than Outpatient Treatment

While inpatient and outpatient couples rehab programs differ widely in their approach, structure, and recovery philosophy, inpatient treatment is often more effective than outpatient programs for people suffering from addiction and co-occurring mental illnesses. Inpatient care offers patients twenty-four-hour professional supervision and ongoing support in a structured environment. Outpatient programs are more convenient for people who work or have other responsibilities, while inpatient care provides a more structured environment.

Residential substance abuse treatment is typically a longer-term program than outpatient treatment. Inpatient care is more intensive and focused and is more expensive. Outpatient care has a limited duration compared to residential care. But inpatient treatment is more likely to result in lasting sobriety and ongoing recovery. Addiction specialists overwhelmingly agree that a full course of inpatient treatment is the best bet for long-term sobriety.

Besides being more effective than outpatient treatment, residential treatment offers more benefits than outpatient care. While inpatient treatment requires the patient to be away from home, outpatient care allows patients to continue their work and daily lives. The residential setting helps clients develop healthy habits and learn new ways to cope with the stresses of everyday life. Also, inpatient care offers a supportive environment to practice new coping mechanisms with addiction. Ending an addictive life, and beginning a new path in a new environment, has proven to be a key component in achieving sobriety.

A recent review of studies has highlighted the importance of residential treatment for people with Substance Use Disorder. Although the evidence is not yet definitive, many clinicians feel residential treatment is an essential first step in recovery. It minimizes the chances of relapse by limiting the opportunity for substance use. The researchers who conducted this review suggest that residential treatment is more effective for individuals who use certain substances. A further study is needed to assess the effectiveness of residential treatment.

It Gives Addicts Structure

Residential substance abuse treatment programs give addicts structure and accountability. There are strict rules and responsibilities to follow, and there is little free time. In residential programs, the addict must attend group therapy and participate in team outings or sports leagues. Residents also participate in volunteer work and attend 12-step meetings. They eventually may live on their own for a time, but still receive support from peers. Some programs also offer individual and group therapy.

Most addiction recovery programs are residential and last from a few days at a local hospital or 30 days at a private substance abuse treatment center. Some residential programs are longer, with periods of up to six months. These programs are designed to provide structure and guidance to the client and make it easier for him or her to move on with their lives. They may also participate in group therapy, classes, and other activities. Residential substance abuse treatment helps the addicts develop their self-esteem and become more responsible.

It Prevents Relapse

Relapse is a feared outcome for those in recovery, and it can cause a range of complex feelings. Some feel tempted to use again, while others may feel deep shame and consider relapse a life-threatening situation. Fortunately, relapse can be avoided. By knowing what to look for, recovering addicts can safeguard their recovery and avoid relapse. In addition, if they are able to maintain a strong support system, they can improve their chances of long-term recovery.

Relapse prevention involves learning to recognize triggers and developing substitute responses to cravings. In addition, it helps patients accept that lapses are a natural part of recovery and interrupt them before they cause harm to themselves or others. Many studies have demonstrated that relapse prevention is just as effective as other psychosocial interventions. Some of the relapse prevention techniques used include cognitive-behavioral therapy, acupuncture, self-efficacy training, and cue exposure and extinction.

Relapse prevention techniques can help the person transition back into their everyday lives after rehab. These techniques involve addressing traumatic triggers, coping skills, and cognitive behaviors that lead to relapse. By practicing these daily relapse prevention techniques, recovering addicts build their skill level and resolve. These strategies are also useful for those who have co-occurring mental illnesses. They help reduce the chances of overdoses and other consequences. To find out more about benefits of residential substance abuse treatment contact the helpline and speak with a recovery specialist now.

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Anxiety, Depression, and Addiction… Oh My!

Anxiety, Depression, and Addiction ... Oh My! - Featured Image

You know the days. The ones where you feel like you literally can’t breathe. Your mind feels like it is going 1000 miles per second and you cannot keep the angst at bay. You aren’t able to focus on any specific thought really, because you are trying to think about too many things at once. It feels like you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. The days where it feels like life itself is sitting on your chest and all your worries, fears, and anxieties are suffocating you slowly. Those are the really bad days. The days you are so overwhelmed with life that you just want to reach for anything that will lift that burden and give you some sort of relief. Even if that relief is only temporary. Just enough relief so that you can take a breath, and release some of the stress that is plaguing your mind. Just something to give your mind a break and make you numb to the world of worries, even if only for a couple hours.

If anyone who is reading this has anxiety or depression they know exactly what I am talking about. I have pretty severe anxiety if you couldn’t tell from that description above. I have my good days, and of course the bad ones. Then I have the really bad ones. It is hard for my mind to shut off, and I often find myself feeling overwhelmed on a daily basis. Most days I just roll with it and keep it inside. An outsider wouldn’t even know I had anxiety. I am sure it just looks like I am a type A personality who likes to stay busy. I have had anxiety since I was a child. It would come and go in spurts. Sometimes it was really bad, and other times I barely noticed it at all. As I have grown older I have noticed that it seems to be situational. I am either really bad at handling stressful situations in general, or it is specifically the ones I cannot control that throw me into a tailspin. Control. That’s a funny concept isn’t it? I mean, it is almost comical to think that we really have any control over what is going to happen to us in our lives. I heard a quote once and it has stuck with me for years; “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” It is true. As much as I do not want to admit it, life is unpredictable and trying to control every situation is futile. There is no such thing as planning your future and expecting it to be a straight shot with no detours or unplanned stops.

This is much like the path of recovery from addiction. As many of you know when you begin your journey you may imagine it looking something like this: “I can never do this, I can’t get through the sickness, okay I have to do it I can’t keep going like this, I am going to get clean, wow I made it through detox and I am still here, okay going to try this treatment program thing, I have made my first plan and actually saw it through, now I am going to make some more plans, and I won’t ever have to look back.” Wrong. Recovery is riddled with roadblocks and detours for most of us. As much as I wish I could tell you that once you make that choice to get clean and commit to staying clean that it is smooth sailing after that; it just is not the case for the majority of us. Relapse is a part of recovery. For many of us it is a part of our recovery again and again. A lesson to keep being retaught and until we actually understand what we are suppose to be learning, it will keep rearing its ugly head. Rebuilding or ending important relationships that we have had in our lives often times brings heartbreak, which at times can seem unbearable and we wonder how we will get through. Maneuvering heartbreak, failures, and let downs on our new found sobriety is trying to say the least. Most of us want to run back to old habits to find the familiar comfort that using gave to us during these times. I get it and so do many others who have relapsed.

Life throws curve balls and its unpredictability can make someone like me with anxiety feel as though there is no other way to cope with life then to use. In fact, that is how it began for me. I started drinking when I was 15 but it was just casual. I guess if you could call any drinking at 15 casual? I guess what I mean is that it wasn’t anything heavy. Just the occasional “let’s sneak a Mike’s Hard Lemonade” or some other kind of malt beverage, and then we would split it between four girls. I started smoking pot when I was 15 as well, once again, just occasionally. I experimented with plenty of other drugs throughout my time in highschool but never really felt the pull to use more then recreationally. I knew I did not care for uppers, they just made me feel more wired then I already was. The same with hallucinogens, no thank you, I do not need to feel anymore paranoid about bad things happening then I already do. Downers were my preference and as I got older and my partying started becoming more frequent I was drawn to them more and more.

Anxiety, Depression, and Addiction - Image 02

In comes Xanax. Benzos really changed the game for me and that is when my addiction really started to take off. It was the mother of all relaxation for me. Especially when I mixed it with other depressants. That sensation that came over my entire body when I used was like a warm blanket that just made everything okay. It all started out as an occasional thing, I only did it on the weekends. Fast forward a few years and I found myself in a full blown addiction. Trying to manage my life and hide my addiction was just too much. I was crumbling under the weight of it all and finally hit my bottom. It took me three different treatment programs and several relapses to finally understand who I was and what that meant for me. Me as in someone with anxiety and depression. Someone who was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol because I needed that comfort and just wanted to feel normal.

I have since learned ways to cope with my feelings of excessive worrying and being extremely overwhelmed with life. I have learned ways to relinquish my need for control to feel secure. For me this looks like daily self affirmations, yoga, meditation, and exercise. I have be careful with exercise because I find myself becoming obsessive about it when I start to crave that endorphin release. I have learned that I need to monitor myself in that area, and lately have been doing okay with it. I practice yoga as a way to reach a higher spiritual state and connect with a higher power, and the same with meditation. I can’t say that any one of these things has been more important than the other when it comes to maintaining my sobriety. They all play a significant role in helping me to to stay out of my head and in reality. When I get lost in my head among my thoughts of worry and angst that is when things take a turn for the worst. If you suffer from anxiety or depression and addiction, there is hope. Seriously, I know that sounds cliche but I can attest to it. I know those days when the anxiety and depression have become physically debilitating, it feels like there is no point in living anymore. Don’t give up. It might not always be a straight and smooth road, but I can tell you that it will be worth it.

by Kitty Noir

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Theories on Addiction

The theories of addiction are a bold attempt that let people unify their understanding of human behavior and pathological refraction. Reviews have already been presented about the existing theories on addiction. With these reviews and shares of point of views, people have already been divided about the theories of addiction. Some people believe that it is a disease while some believe it to be just a consequence of poor choice.

Point of View: It is a Disease

The theory that addiction to alcohol or drugs is a disease is no longer a new concept. In 1784, Dr. Rush already initiated that this condition is a disease. Requiring it to be treated by doctors and physicians. Nevertheless, the theory did not get much attention until Alcoholics Anonymous was established in 1930. Even during the olden days, before the disease theory became popular, society was prejudiced against people who were addicted to drugs and alcohol. Addicts were looked down upon. They were thought to have a lack of morality and discipline. They were presumed to be people who were only after pleasure without regard to other people. Addicts were also viewed as people with deficiencies in their character.

It was then that the theory of addiction being seen as a disease came up. This is exactly the same as diabetes, tuberculosis and Alzheimer’s disease. It helped to say that those who were suffering from addiction were not bad people. They were sick and needed help. With this theory, the public became less judgmental and less critical of those who were addicted.  It was not welcoming to hear that you were afflicted by a disease. But this was a lot better than being regarded as self-centered or immoral. The concept was embraced by almost everyone. The popularity of this theory, led people to explore more into addiction. They were better able to understand the changes that occur in the brain and that are brought on by chemical dependency. When all these physical changes that occur, it can be said that addiction is a disease.

Moreover, Dr. Benjamin Rush believed that addiction is a disease. In his struggle, it was twenty-eight years ago that he went to his first AA meeting. According to him, addiction is surely a disease. He drank and it was who he was. The fun and excitement just stopped along the way. He tried every means he knew of to control his drinking habits. Throughout that struggle he experienced failure after failure to stop drinking. It was not until he asked for assistance from a recovery treatment center that he realized with help he could achieve sobriety. He believed that addiction was just the same as a disease like cancer or diabetes. It was caused by a combination of factors and issues, including predisposition. Studies have also shown that ten percent of the population is predisposed to addiction.

In the year of 1950, the medical field already increased their support for the theory that addiction is a disease. The AMA, the APHA and the ASAM also pushed their position regarding addiction as a disease in both their treatment methods and definitions. In the past few years, psychology, pharmacology and neuroscience have concentrated more on gaining understanding of the physical side of addiction. The American Board of Medical Specialties even recognized another field, called Addiction Medicine.

Point of View: It is a Choice

There are some people who still believe that addiction is actually the result of a poor choice. To understand it clearly, addiction is a behavior and that behavior is a choice. An addict has all the reasons to start using and to start quitting. When one acts purely based on reason, it can be considered as a choice. Addicts are not simply mindless zombies who aim to find drugs at the expense of all else. Many of them are able to go through detox and get sober. They can make the decision to keep away from those situations that will trigger them. Recovering addicts can also enlist the support of their family and friends for them to get through the rough times.

Some people believe that once the brain has gone through a profound change after years of abuse substance, an addict could still be determined and motivated to stop it. This is also even after a short time. In a study conducted by a research group from Hart, it explains that addicts want to recover because of one important goal. For instance, physicians who were told to stop their addiction do so. If not, they will lose their medical licenses. The study uses an incentivizing process that is essential in support and recovery. The brain of an addict has already been chemically and physically altered by drug abuse over a long term period. But, they still have the ability to overcome and make a different choice. Thousands of addicts having proven this.

Some believe that addicts still have a choice to stick to their addiction or to choose a healthier and better life for themselves. There just are not many addicts that know this. It then becomes the job of trusted professionals, loved ones, friends, and employers that will guide the addicts to change for an improved and better life. The people who believe addiction is a choice argue that if it is a real disease, some of your body parts would be in a state of abnormal physiological functioning causing undesirable symptoms to occur. For instance, in cancer, it is the mutated cells that are the evidence of physiological abnormality. The low production of insulin cells is also the culprit to diabetes. And, those who have diseases cannot stop all their symptoms on their own. They also could not stop certain abnormal and physiological functioning that only creates the symptoms. In this regard, they could only stop the abnormality by way of medical treatment.

With regard to addiction, there is no such thing as physiological malfunction. Addiction is described as a chronic relapsing disease and is characterized by a compulsive drug use. Addiction is a choice because of the inability to quit despite the negative consequences. When an addict comes into addiction treatment no one is physically treating or healing their brain. There is medication involved in some cases, but that is simply to provide comfort measures. These addicts were ordered by the court to engage in a treatment program. These programs consist of individual counseling, group counseling, and many with with twelve-step attendance.

Gene Heyman is the author of the book “Addiction: A Disorder of Choice”. In the study presented in the book, it went back to cocaine abusers that were given conventional addiction counseling. They were offered vouchers that could be traded in for rewards like sports equipment or movie tickets. As long as they could prove their abstinence from drug use, through urine tests, they could get all these incentives. In the study, seventy percent of those who were under the program remained abstinent where as twenty percent stayed in the control group. This demonstrates that substance abuse is not involuntary or compulsive. It is actually a choice. After they were presented with a rewarding alternative to drug or alcohol abstinence, they chose to stop it. There were follow up studies that showed how this led to changes in a long-term period.  After a year of following the program, the patients doubled their success rate. Whatever it was they were filling their time with was working. The were able to replace their old bad habits with new, health habits.

In this study there was no evidence that substance or alcohol use is uncontrollable. The subjective report is that drug users cannot stop. The treatment professionals would also insist that the behavior is compulsive because of brain changes. Nevertheless, the promise of giving them an incentive is just enough to increase the success rate of traditional addiction counseling. Some people truly believe that addicts can control their urges. They only relied on substance to feel happiness. When they were introduced to other sources for happiness, they were more likely to choose these options. In the long run, they will stay sober and can practice self-regulation and self-control.

So there you have it. The two theories on Addiction.

 

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LGBTQ in Recovery

by Eric Robert H.

 

When I came to the realization that I could no longer drink, I thought I was greatly disheartened. Anger and resentment against God pumped through my veins. It had only been a couple years since I came out as bi-sexual (which some people just put off as gay) and I was coping with my new lifestyle by working alcoholically and drinking the same. Now, I had to accept the fact that I have to endure the rest of my life on this Earth without drinking. Distressed, bereaved and spiritually enraged, I felt that God was punishing me for a life I never asked for. What I did ask him for was happiness, a mentor, romantic love and success in my career field. Alcohol inhibited any and all of those blessings from arriving.

Investigative journalist Walter Armstrong attests, “Alcoholism is the granddaddy of gay health problems. It may have little of the urgency or newsworthiness of crystal meth, say, or HIV, but it remains one of our community’s (and nation’s) most insidious and intractable destroyers.” (http://www.realjock.com/article/985) The disease of alcoholism is definitely insidious. The progressiveness of the disease in my life gained momentum when the pressures of living “in the closet” became near unbearable. In coming out, it seemed like the news spread like wildfire. I began to lose trust in others. Disclosure with a few resulted in many knowing more about my personal life than I had ever let on before. I could not trust myself with the truth, let alone others. So what did I do? I moved residences, got a new job on my ideal career path and isolated when I drank. The objective was not to drink alone but rather to avoid being disappointed by the lack of gay men at the local dive bars and also not to be overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy upon entering a gay bar. Alcohol cornered me – putting me right between its menacing grip of destruction, self-pity and isolation.

Upon entering rehab I found great solace and comfort in the support and acceptance I received from most men who were also clients of the treatment facilities. By taking that simply yet bold leap to enter treatment for alcohol abuse and dependence I took myself out of isolation. Rather than entering general population of the world right off the bat, I entered a population of men who knew and understood my pain as an alcoholic. This was one of my first experiences introducing myself not only as an alcoholic but also leading with the fact that I don’t identify as straight – a conversation that seems to arise quickly whenever men socialize. For the first time in my life, I did not feel so different, estranged and alone in a world where everyone else seemed to enjoying their booze in moderation. I thought my drinking was a homosexual problem when in fact I discovered and accepted alcoholism for the tyrannical spiritual malady it truly is. Straight men who stood by me, shared with me and attended groups with me led me to this understanding.

Accepting my sexual orientation for what it is takes courage each and every day. Much of my experience as a man pursuing other men revolved around alcohol. I struggled accepting myself and the struggle to accept other gay men was even greater. With that, I accumulated a lot of guilt and shame from drunken one-night stands with men who identified as straight. The shame and guilt I bore was not mine to bear. According to a study published by The Journal of Social Psychology,  “heterosexual people are more likely to find members of the same sex attractive after consuming alcohol.” The journal furthered the conclusions drawn from the study stating, “men who had more than ten alcoholic drinks were just as interested in the men depicted as they were in the women.” (http://www.newnownext.com/straight-men-drunk-gay-sex-study/05/2017/) In the words of R&B artists Jamie Foxx “blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol…”. Rehab gave me the healthy, sustainable friendships with gay and straight men I had always longed for.

In addition to rehab, spiritual and emotional gains have been made for the better due to the acceptance and tolerance I found in the meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous. Two of my sponsors have been straight men and most of the calls I receive daily are from the like. My sexuality doesn’t define me, nor does it define my disease. I drink from the fountain of community with cups of friendship because AA and treatment facilities did not close their doors on those who identify along the spectrum of LGBTQ. Walter Armstrong went on to note that  “AA opened its doors to gay men two years after its founding in 1935, whereas gay-sensitive treatment centers remain few and far between in some parts of the U.S. It’s estimated that there are now more than a thousand gay AA groups nationwide, with 12-step.programs for everything from crystal-meth addiction to sexual compulsion increasing the count by half. “ (Armstrong, “Just a Sip? Gay Men and Alcoholism”, http://www.realjock.com/article/985)

In any discussion revolving around homosexuality it is necessary to address the lack of progressiveness and acceptance in normative culture. Matthew Todd, former editor of Attitude, argues that for gay men it is “our experience of growing up in a society that still does not fully accept that people can be anything other than heterosexual and cisgendered [born into the physical gender you feel you are]… It is a shame with which we were saddled as children, to which we continue to be culturally subjected.” (Owen Jones, “Gay Men Are Battling a Demon More Powerful Than HIV”, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/oct/20/gay-men-hiv-homophobia-lgbt-drink-drugs). I have my own stories of being sanctioned, ridiculed, ostracized and discriminated against for identifying as bisexual. Even in treatment I experienced the pain of being called a “fag” by a fellow client who bore tattoos indicating allegiance to white supremacy. He later apologized and our friendship was built on the foundation of sobriety and clean time rather than our differences.

Recovery and AA have an irrefutable power to bring people who would typically not mix together.  Armstrong notes that “Recent studies have found comparable trends in alcoholism and alcohol abuse between gay and straight men.” (“Just a Sip?”) We alcoholics are not all that different regardless of who we want to spend the rest of our lives. Getting sober not only helps me come out of the closet but also accept myself. I attend AA mens meetings just as much as I attend gay meetings. I pray to a God of my own understanding. And the best part about early sobriety is that I’m not looking for sex or romantics for the next year at least.

So the pressure is off. Be yourself and defy whatever defamations alcoholism is trying to tell you. Getting sober is an affirmation uninhibited by race, creed, sexual orientation or religion. It’s a universal language of love that will endure as long as mankind and alcohol co-exist. If you are struggling with alcoholism and your identifying as anything other than straight, address your disease first and I guarantee the know-how and courage to face life’s other many mysteries will reveal itself.

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