Why Do Men Leave Women?

Why Do Men Leave Women

Why Does a Man Leave a Good Woman

Are you wondering why men leave women & searching for some explanations? Well, the truth is there are a number of reasons, including fatigue, lack of perspective, dissimilarity of characters, and unwillingness to hear each other. However, none of these reasons is definitive. Ultimately, you must consider your own needs and circumstances before deciding whether your relationship is destined to fail. In any case, there are some basics to watch for and these reasons that follow will help you understand why men leave women. Read on to discover more about the causes and possible solutions.

Fatigue

If you find that your man is constantly exhausted, and you know it isn’t an obvious excuse, it could be a symptom of a serious underlying health condition; both physical and mental. If you suspect this is the case, it is important to seek medical attention and treatment. A psychiatrist can help you diagnose and treat a mental health disorder.

In some cases, the cause of the fatigue is easily diagnosable and corrected with simple changes in his behavior. Cutting back on work or alcohol or eating more nutritious food can improve your energy levels. Other times, you may need to make larger changes, such as changing your diet. It can be hard to make these changes, so a supportive group can be helpful. Sometimes, it can help to have a support group to guide you through the process.

The problem to be concerned with is that he may be dealing with unmet needs that are lead to his unhappiness. Unmet needs leave a man feeling bored and unwanted, which can drive him to end a relationship. Boredom can present as depression. If it’s not that your man is boring, it may be that he finds you boring and that is a hard trait to overcome. The plain truth is, boredom can end with him leaving you. A man with unmet needs may also be insecure, irritable, or simply not interested in you. You can solve these problems by working on you and becoming more confident and aware of who you are.

Remember, there are many causes of fatigue. Fatigue is common in many people, and it is a common symptom of many different health problems. A medical professional can determine if you’re experiencing symptoms that may be a sign of depression or other medical condition. Getting more exercise can also help your energy levels and improve your overall quality of life. The best way to combat this issue is to find out what’s causing your fatigue.

Unwillingness to understand and hear each other

Unwillingness to understand and hear each other

According to international studies, one of the top reasons men leave women is an unwillingness to listen and understand each other. Incompatible partners and incompatibility are often the first cause cited, but there are others that include: emotional distance, getting married too early, and spousal abuse. Many couples also report problems getting along, such as religious differences or drug or alcohol abuse. Some couples say they wish they had known about those red flags long before, and now had chosen to leave their partners as incompatibility was a wall they could not get over.

Infidelity

A recent study by sociologist Alicia Walker on the reason men cheat on their wives revealed some interesting truths. She discovered that a man’s motivation for cheating on his wife was based primarily on a base level need for sex. A lesser percentage of cheaters can be described as the insecure men, and they often cheat because they feel unseen, unloved, and sexual intercourse with strangers becomes a confidence aid and an important way for them to feel recognized and legitimate. These men often choose partners who will validate their emotional needs, and do not stray, but if they choose poorly they will look outside their relationships for validation. You have heard the saying “once a cheater always a cheater” unfortunately this can be true.

According to the American Sociological Association, 15 percent of financially dependent men cheat on their partners. This figure increases when the man is younger and earns less than 70% of the household income. Men tend to be less likely to cheat if they earn more than seventy percent of the household income. Moreover, the higher the earnings of a woman, the less likely he will cheat. Furthermore, married women are 25% more likely to cheat on their partners because of marital issues.

Infidelity is a sign of dissatisfaction with a marriage. However, this is not always the case. It may simply be an uncontrollable narcissistic drive within the cheating partner; and it is a character flaw they do not have control over. Whether it is a relationship he’s dissatisfied with or just looking for a new challenge, narcissistic men in particular may turn to adultery as a means to an end. If your man is seeking a new relationship, you should consider his intentions and his honest ability to be faithful when weighing the pros and cons of staying in a committed relationship with them.

These are just a few things to keep in mind during this difficult time. It’s important to keep the communication lines open between you and your partner now more than ever. A sense of understanding and support is essential for a marriage to stay alive as well and it may benefit both of you to involve a loved one or trusted friend for some advice; and there is always professional help out there too. If you’re unable to communicate with your partner effectively, you’re more likely to find yourself walking down the path of infidelity and that of course, often leads to a divorce. For the woman left behind, it’s best to surround herself with loving and supportive friends and family members. Good luck out there, Ladies.

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Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater

Once a Cheater Always a Cheater Is It True?

You’ve probably heard the old saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater,” and you may be thinking, “it never changes,” goes hand in hand with that, too. Unfortunately, this is not, for the most part, untrue. Studies have shown that a person who has cheated in a previous relationship is in fact, three times as likely to cheat again. That’s hard to overcome, and those are odds for you to consider as you enter into a relationship with a known cheater. But, if you think your contender is the one in three, there are ways to help avoid being cheated on again & ways to help reform your wayward lover. Here are some steps to keep cheaters from ruining your relationship.

Those who cheated in their first relationship are three times more likely to cheat again

A study from the University of Denver suggests that those who have been cheated on there partner in their first relationship, were found to be most often, likely to cheat again. It is important to note that the researchers in this case study followed the behavior of hundreds of people who are not married, but were in committed, long term relationships. They found time and again, that people who were caught cheating in their first relationship, were three times more likely to commit the same sins in their next relationship, with this type of pattern would you want to get your ex back? This finding should not be taken lightly.

This statistic is based on a survey of 484 adults. The participants were asked to recall a relationship history spanning five years. The results showed that people who admitted to cheating in their first relationship were nearly three times more likely to repeat the practice in their next one. The study also accounted for the demographic risk factors for infidelity. Which ultimately explains that people who cheat, are just cheaters – it had nothing to do with their environment or financial makeup, in the final analysis with all things considered. Summed up; The study concluded that cheaters, are cheaters no matter where they come from, and are likely to cheat again in the future.

The reasons behind infidelity vary greatly. Some of these are short trysts, while others involve much more intense attachments. Some people cheat because they are angry and have a misogynist streak that makes them believe that staying loyal to a man is the only way to ensure happiness. Women are more likely to cheat due to lack of love or for something more serious, but plenty of women will do it to have sex with someone new. It is important to remember that men and women have very different motivations for infidelity.

Infidelity is a problem that women and men alike must deal with. One of the most important things you can do to avoid cheating is for the cheater to be aware of what damage their cheating has caused and it is accepting of what they have done. Accountability is huge. But, if your love interest is incapable of contrition and is still making excuses, those are red flags that should not be ignored. We all make mistakes, even good people, that is life – owning them & correcting them is life too, when you’re a good person. Therefore, you must be aware of what’s going on in your partners mind and where they are in their accountability, before making the final decision to be with a one-time cheater or not.

Once again, while the results from the study indicate that men who cheated in their first relationship are more likely to cheat again, it is important to remember that people change over time. The first relationship was in a different space, time and culture than the second one. This can mean, that they were heavily influenced by the environment they were in, and with a different love, there is hope. Signs of boyfriend cheating could signs of a problem or not, every situation is different.

Cheaters who Cheat Again

How do those who cheated in their first marriage avoid the urge to cheat again

Many cheaters do have regret and will ask how a person can avoid cheating again, if they cheated in their first marriage. The answer is simple: it’s all YOU. And yes, cheating is easier if you already cheated in a relationship. That same study by Denver University grad student Kayla Knapp mentioned before, found that people who had cheated in their first relationship were more likely to cheat again in a subsequent relationship. However, history isn’t the only factor that influences a person’s likelihood of cheating on their partners.

Another important factor that determines cheating risk in a marriage is age. Research indicates that cheating is more common in middle-aged men and women than in those in their early or late 30s. In fact, 31% of women and men in this age range admitted to cheating in the past. Education level doesn’t seem to have any direct correlation to the likelihood of cheating. However, Democrats were found to be more often the cheater, as well as the cheated on.

However, the study that analyzed the likelihood of a person cheating in a previous relationship did not take into account the history of the first marriage. The researchers found that men who cheated in their first marriage are twice as likely to cheat in their second marriage compared to those who did not. And, despite this fact, the researchers didn’t focus on emotional affairs or open relationships. They asked 484 adults about their relationships for the last five years.

A survey conducted at the University of Chicago also found a significant gender difference. Men aged 51-59 were found to be more likely to cheat than women. But women aged 60-69 were less likely to cheat than men. This age difference suggests that older women cheat less often than men. However, this is a trend that continues to change. And men aged 40-49 are even less likely to cheat than younger women. Overall, a majority of those who had a history of cheating, cheated again.

Cheaters in their first marriage are more likely to be narcissists

If your partner is a narcissist, it’s not surprising that they would cheat on you. Narcissists are notoriously dishonest people. If you accuse them of cheating, they’ll blame you. They may say it’s because you’re “boring,” “not interesting,” or that you “let yourself go.” Whatever the excuse, a narcissist will blame you for their actions. The truth is a narcissistic adulterer is a tough pick and I would suggest moving on.

The Buss and Shackelford study offers indirect evidence of how toxic the narcissistic infidelity is. The authors had their participants describe two previous relationships and then evaluated their responses and correlated their personality type, to their most common responses. It became very clear that those who were narcissists were more likely to report having cheated on their partner. Although the study has its limitations, it does suggest that narcissists do have an overwhelmingly higher likelihood of cheating on their partners.

The reason narcissists cheat is because they feel superior to others – or worse, that they are just objects – and feel they are entitled to do whatever they want. Narcissists have high sex drives, and they rationalize their behavior as a way to get what they want. And for very many of them, because they don’t believe their spouse deserves fidelity, they cheat. So, if you’re in love with a narcissist, be cautious with your trust & heart.

Watch for the warning signs. Narcissists may hide their phones. They may have a secret phone and spend less on the relationship than usual. And they may spend their money on other people – narcissists often spend a lot of money on new people in their lives, as a way of self-promotion. If they’re in a new relationship, they’ll spend less time with and often MONEY on, you.

Despite these observations, there are contradictions, that should be taken into consideration. But ultimately, there is no denying that there are significant connections between narcissism and infidelity. Narcissists have higher levels of sexual exploitation, coupled with a grandiose ego. Despite their apparent lack of empathy, they are totally concerned with their own drives and needs. Sexual exploitation is not uncommon and is associated with narcissism. Also, it remains a common trait – along with a childish, selfishness – that present often in a person who is coping with an alcohol or a drug addiction.

Infidelity is associated with a very primal level of sexual satisfaction, and lack thereof was associated with infidelity among spouses who stated they were not satisfied with their relationships and sought attention outside of their relationship. However, marital satisfaction did not reach statistical significance, after controlling for sexual narcissism. These findings suggest that sexual satisfaction is not a primary motivator for infidelity; that narcissism is a primary driver in the end analyses. Note, further research is needed to confirm these associations.

How some who cheat in their first marriage do remain unfaithful

There are many reasons for how the cheater reformed themselves, but there is also some common logic behind it. People are often punished by their social groups for being unfaithful. This punishment can take many forms, from gossip to putting limits on going out with their partner. The damage to one’s reputation can limit future quality in their options and reduces their value in the community’s eyes. That can cut two ways; for some it will drive them to be better, to others it becomes the excuse for why they cheat & continue with their dishonest lives.

The statistics on infidelity vary slightly, from 22% to 55%. The results of an online study of nearly 21,000 affairs revealed that 60% of men and 50% of women were unfaithful, and 38% of cheaters considered leaving their spouse. It is important to realize and take into account – as with all studies – that these statistics do not necessarily mean that cheating is inevitable, and there is not a real measurement of the human mind and heart. Many people cheat on their spouses for several reasons obviously, and in many instances, there is no way to prevent it.

The study’s referenced here, are conducted with methods differing from previous studies, as the surveys did not explicitly ask about overlapping relationships. In these studies, respondents were asked to give dates of their first and last sexual encounter with their most recent partner. Experts then examined the data to determine, once again, if there were any overlaps. The study also noted that those who cheated in their first marriage are more likely to cheat again.

The number of married women who cheat is highest among those between 40 and 59 years of age. However, cheating among women between 40 and 49 years of age is lowest. However, women in the middle and lower classes are just as likely to cheat as men. Women from religious backgrounds are less likely to cheat than non-religious ones. Finally, those who live in rural areas are less likely to cheat than those in cities, but this may be due to the lack of anonymity and the increased risk of being caught.

Other factors that may influence cheating include political ideology, family background, and religious activities. Women who grew up with their biological parents are more likely to cheat on their spouses than those from intact families. Furthermore, adults who attended religious services were less likely to cheat than those who attended church weekly.

There is hope for those who have cheated, and you have a 33% chance that you found yourself the one that will never hurt another person like that again – but there’s another 66% that’s more likely you are with one of those who cheated in their first marriage are more likely to cheat on their second. Those are the numbers, be safe out there.

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Is He Going To Leave?

Is He Going To Leave

The reasons behind why your husband would leave you could be numerous. There could be many overlapping and varied beyond imagination. Lets be honest, we’ve all heard of some crazy reasons for relationships ending. But, this article is focusing on the most common tells to look for. For instance, it may be that he has found happiness with a new woman, or that he is just wishing for another woman. Maybe you’re feeling neglected, that he has been ignoring you or is uninterested in your marriage. He may be pulling away for many reasons. Here we take a look at what the experts say are signs to watch for, and why they may be occurring.

First sign – Why are you even worried

If you suspect something, chances are something is happening. The fact that you are driven to find answers, is what would be considered the Yellow Light of Love. This is where you ask yourself the hard questions. You must have a reason you are here. Is it that your husband is distant, to close to another or you feel him manipulating you? The first step is to confront him about it. Call him out on his behavior and explain how it is making you feel. Also, set up boundaries. It’s crucial to set boundaries in a relationship of any kind, but especially with a love interest & in your marriage. Its crucial, to help both parties understand one another. Don’t judge him for his actions or words – literally, treating him the way you want to be treated IS EVERYTHING – try to focus less on his actions, and more on how to understand his behavior and how it affects you. If you are being manipulated, we are heading into the Red Light of Love.

Right off, if you are dealing with a manipulator, you need some emotional back up. This is something you need to openly talk about with your friends & family members and seeking out a professional to help you navigate your feelings, is always a good idea. It’s important to remember that a manipulator is not necessarily a horrible human being and may not be aware that he’s even doing it and has no intention to harm you. That doesn’t make it okay. You should learn how to recognize these signs and get help if necessary. You need to make sure that your safety and integrity are always priority & protected. Never let a manipulator control you or manipulate you in any way.

Do not let your partner confuse you. If you find yourself baffled and overwhelmed by your partner, take a step back. Time for some self-evaluation. You should never be confused or gaslit in conversations with the people you love. Its not a solid place to negotiate from, when matters of the heart are involved. These signs of intentional manipulation are subtle and disguised as love. The manipulator works on your subconscious to change the balance of power in their favor. This way, he gives you the impression that you’re in control. Ultimately, your partner’s actions are influenced by his emotional state. As a result, you will never – you can’t – feel safe in your relationship.

Remember, if you suspect that your partner is intentionally manipulating you, it’s important to speak with a mental health professional. A psychological abuser can and will use psychological tricks to make you believe that they’re the victim of abuse. These tactics can be scary & threaten your own mental health. You need to seek help immediately if you suspect that your husband is manipulating you.

Next sign -He's not present in your marriage
Next sign -He’s not present in your marriage

Next sign -He’s not present in your marriage

Withdrawal from your daily lives and the things you once enjoyed together is another Yellow Light. If you are asking yourself why, chances are you already know the answer. If he has stopped spending time with you, your husband may be avoiding you emotionally. It isn’t wise to jump to this being a sign of another woman, as it is often a sign of their own insecurities and belief that they are failing you. This behavior could be because of guilt or shame. In such a situation, the best approach is to show him how much you care and not push to hard for an explanation. It may be wise, to seek a couple counselor and give him a safe space to express himself. What isn’t wise, is accusing someone of being unfaithful, when its got nothing to do with that. Tread lightly here and with love.

Another sign – He’s just not in love with you

While we as women usually monitor our relationships on an emotional level, men tend to be more passive and less interested in a relationships well-being and more interested in its function. Again, this may have nothing to do with an extra marital affair – it’s a him problem, that is now a you problem. If you’re wondering why your husband may not love you anymore, don’t immediately go to a betrayal with another woman. There are several reasons why he may be falling, or has fallen, out of love with you. There are numerous signs you should keep an eye out for. These go beyond the distracted or disinterested husband; we are talking about those who are deep into separating his life from you. This could include hiding money and important matters from you or closing you off from his finances & life outside the home completely. These are signs of a falling out of love, and you should act on them as soon as possible.

If your husband doesn’t seem to want to spend time with you or is spending too much time on the phone, he simply may be bored with you. This is an indication that he’s not having fun or engaged with you, but it’s not necessarily an indication of infidelity. He may simply be distracted by something else, which explains the change in activity levels. Similarly, if he has less libido than before, he may be putting his focus on someone else. If he has already left and you are interested in how to get your ex-back view our post on that topic

If he’s not in love with you anymore, barring an affair, you obviously have to reevaluate your relationship – but that’s not to say your relationship is over yet. If you value your marriage and want to fight for it, you should still try to resolve the issues. If you can’t get past it, and want to get out of the relationship, you should consider moving on to something else. And I hate to be superficial, but some of you are, so if you are unhappy with your husband’s appearance or something that shallow – or even if his ambition isn’t enough for you – it may be time to think about leaving.

The Worst Sign – The mistress
The Worst Sign – The mistress

The Worst Sign – The mistress

The largest, most glaring clue of an affair almost always is the change in physical intimacy & this is a Red Light of Love for me. People will try to hide his affair, either because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or because he is adrenaline-driven, but they always tell on themselves, through their emotional and physical neglect. Physical intimacy is crucial in a relationship. Without it, you are living and unfulfilled relationship. If he refuses to share physical intimacy, you should take a long look at your husband’s behavior and determine what is really going on with him.

Keep in mind; most men who cheat, don’t leave their wives for their mistresses. Even if they are caught, cheaters don’t leave their wives. They want their cake and eat it too. Its counter intuitive, but men who have affairs are afraid of the long-term consequences of the cheating, and would rather throw away their mistresses, than leave their wives. The overwhelming norm is that unfaithful men do not leave their wives for being discovered – they will stay. They leave when they are confronted by a wife, who is no longer putting up with it. Most of the time, it is entirely up to the wife, and what she is willing to put up with. I have no patience for Tammy Wynette. But that is me. Forgiving an affair is something for each woman to decide if she can endure, that is not something I can do. You confront the real reasons for the cheating, face it & see it through the best you can.

Overall, physical signs of cheating are easy to spot, there are also subtler signs that can prove your suspicions. Discrepancy is easy to spot when you’re looking at the credit card charges or secret messages. If you are at the point of spying on your Spouse, you know where you stand. And if you can forgive, and if your husband wants to stay, he must act with full honesty and transparency and show extreme remorse for his actions – and obviously, he also has to end the affair.

Last sign – He’s no longer in love and its over

If your relationship is experiencing trouble and you’re at the end, the best thing to do is to try and talk it out with your husband & hopefully you can be heard. It is worth trying to share your emotions with him, but it is vital to remain respectful. You should use ‘I’ messages and listen to what he has to say without being defensive. After the talk, you can decide on what to do next. If you are dealing with a non-verbal mate, and you cannot get him to engage then you might want to consider seeking counseling. But you need to find the answer of, why.

Once you’ve gotten to the bottom of what has brought you to this place in your marriage & have addressed it directly with him – you have choices to make. If your husband doesn’t love you anymore, its time for acceptance and moving forward alone. But, when it’s not clear cut, you’ll have to choose between rebuilding your relationship or ultimately ending the marriage. Within both options, are healthy ways forward. If you’ve been married for many years, it’s time to take a deep breath and consider what your next steps should be. There’s always hope – there’s still time to fix the problems. Always. Good luck out there Ladies.

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How to Get Your Ex Back Persistence May Be The Key

How to Get Your Ex Back

How To Get Back With Ex

How to get back with ex, this is the question. When you are hurting the most in life, feeling the most abandoned – we as humans, choose to Google a solution. And, that’s not dumb. Of course we would, and we also expect – even pray for – a quick fix answer. I get it, and I am going to try and sum it all up for you here. After sifting through umpteen articles, posts & blogs, the following is the most doled out advice and strategies today.  

Right out the gate, the overwhelming sentiment, is to be Persistent, as well as Consistent. Persistency is a key element in learning how to get what you want in life in general, and will only help in trying to get your ex back. That does not mean, to be a pest. Do not make the mistake of quadrupling your text messages every morning or flooding their DMs with love letters – that is not what the advice givers are getting at. Always remember, Neediness in any relationship will lower your value, it is the last way you want to be seen in your ex’s eyes. Real persistence means not quitting and not getting in their way. The goal is to showing strength, show your convictions and stick to them – to make them want you again you cannot be weak & needy – they’ll quit on you and if you remain weak, you will never gain their attention again.

Now that we have that established, here are some pointers to work with.

should i text my ex
should i text my ex

Radio silence

Radio silence is mentioned more often than any other tactic offered, and I have to agree. I think it’s the most pure strategy, and a great method to win back your ex. I also like this, because if its REALLY over, you will learn quickly with this route, if they miss you at all. So be warned, this is not a fix all. If its broken, it’s broken. But, for most of us, love is never irrevocably broken and so carry forth with caution. Radio silence can bring pleasant memories and unfulfilled dreams to the forefront of your loves mind. However, it can also have negative consequences, so prepare your heart – you never know – but I believe, love is worth the shot.

Silence can make the heart grow fonder, and that is simply what you are hoping; for your ex to miss you. In a perfect world, you are showing him what it really will be like in the world, if you completely disappear & he will miss you. This quiet time can be crucial in reminding your ex why he loves you and leading him back to craving your love, giving you the perfect opportunity to win him back. Make sure to adhere to the rules closely though… If you can’t stay silent for a week or so, try a different approach.

Be smart about your body language. Your ex reads your body language, energy, and state of mind and being subconsciously and all at once. While some people are good at seduction, others are not – knowing your strengths here is key and if you follow these tips, you’ll likely find your ex is more attracted to you! There are many other ways to win your ex back, and this method is one of them to integrate into your plan. And remember radio silence does not have to be a painful ordeal! It’s an opportunity to show your ex how happy and successful you are without them, but not too happy, of course.

Practice is part of radio silence. This tactic may seem easy at first, but it sometimes is not. For most, it takes time to master. Don’t give up, go into it halfhearted or make it too easy. Radio silence will work if you seem strong and confident – strong enough to ignore your ex’s calls and texts. In my opinion it’s the most effective way to win back your ex. If you can practice radio silence and stick to it for several weeks, it will give you the time to regain control of your life & relationship and find your own strengths too.

No contact period

When you ask yourself why you’ve been avoiding your ex, you’ll likely come up with different answers. You may feel that the breakup was too bad or too painful, or that you aren’t good enough for him/her, but the truth is that your ex is probably feeling both ways. During a no-contact period, you are giving your ex the opportunity to miss you and miss the relationship you once had, this is somewhat like the radio silence concept. If your ex is missing you enough to make contact, they will reach out to you. You may be asking yourself “should i text my ex” the answer is no, not during this time.

Another way to use a no-contact rule to get your ex back is to make a statement. If you tell your ex that you’re going on a no-contact period, they’ll be more likely to respect your wishes and stop chasing you down. By letting your ex know you’re busy with your own life, they’ll have the impression that you’re not interested in interacting with them. Hopefully, this will make them want to talk to you more.

In addition to avoiding your ex socially, the advice givers say you should wait at least 4 weeks to make any contact them at all. That’s not to say, there won’t be attempts made; some men will reach out to check in with you after 3 days, while others will wait up to 3 weeks or more. I think it’s important to note that there is the school of thought and belief in the 48 hour rule of no-contact – this is a do or die mentality and is a straight forward way of deciding if you should attempt to get your ex back. I don’t subscribe to that & think it’s important to keep in mind that making demands, doesn’t usually amount to a magic bullet. There is no single way to make your ex fall in love with you again, but space and time apart does ultimately seem to offer you the best chance for getting back together.

When you’re dealing with a breakup, it can be very difficult to decide whether you should go on with the relationship or not. It’s hard to know what’s going on, but the no-contact period allows you to think about your feelings and decide if the relationship is salvageable. If you’re confused, in anyway, about your relationship, a no-contact period might be just the thing you need to move forward.

In-person interaction

At the point in which you begin seeing you ex socially again, or even when you first begin to reach out in any way, it is primary that you keep your emotions in check. If you truly want your ex back, you must avoid fighting, bickering, nagging, pleading and arguing at all costs. It serves you zero good to insert strife into your relationship again. If you are not in the headspace to be calm, do not bother – you may not get a second chance at this, and could cause your ex to become angry and frustrated beyond repair. The end of your relationship could be the result of you being accused of being the problem.

If you are desperate and want your ex back, you should not resort to these tactics. You must avoid letting the emotions of guilt or shame get the better of you. You should never verbally attack your ex’s friends, family members, or co-workers.

It is better to call your ex than to send text messages, it’s common for those to be misconstrued. And when you do, try to have a conversation with your ex about something relevant to your life. Don’t make the call if it is not an important one. Your ex might begin avoiding phone calls or texts if he feels they are needy and unnecessary, so make your calls when they are necessary and important. Remember, this will be your chance to rekindle a flame in your ex’s heart.

Have a plan when you do reach out. You will know your audience, but here are a few ideas… You can remind your ex about the last skiing trip you took together or try asking questions about skiing conditions and where you went. You shouldn’t be afraid to show that you still care about your ex. He hopefully will respond positively to your questions, and you will end the conversations In such way, he will remember how important you are to him. This may give you a chance to win him back, but do not push.

Do not try to manipulate your ex by contacting their friends and family. This tactic will backfire and is just adding issues, that do not need to be there. In the long run, a moment of attacking his loved ones can lead to years of drama and negative emotions. The key to success with regaining the love of your ex is to be strategic and focus on achieving your relationship goals and mental peace. Avoid negative emotions and fears. These are the biggest obstacles in getting your ex back. You must keep them under control, and if you are unable to, it maybe you not him.

how to make your ex want you back
how to make your ex want you back

Keeping perspective

You should be asking yourself why you are going through this, continually. Wondering why it is so hard to get your ex back and whether the relationship is worth the fight, is expected. After all, we know that the breakup occurred for one reason or another – but there certainly is a reason. The relationship may have been so good for you, but your ex might not have felt the same way & that has to be acknowledged too. This question must be pondered, and you have to resist the urge to try and do the impossible. Your heart is driving you, and the impulse may be so strong that your mind is actually bending perception. It is a normal course of action in grief & is the way your brain protects you from emotional pain, but that doesn’t mean it is reality. To keep perspective, try to ask yourself if your ex still cares about you. It’s that simple.

If your breakup with your ex was because of your feelings, you may be of the mindset that you can just turn it around. This isn’t wise, or recommended, either. You should always remember that if you do get back together, you’ll be a different person from before. If you’ve taken the time to yourself & done any self-reflection at all, you will have grown. Your happiness won’t solely depend on your ex anymore. Rather, focus on making a new relationship and moving on. Keeping that in mind and the work you’ve done on yourself in perspective as you embark on a new relationship with your ex back can be a difficult task, but if you’re serious about it, you can take steps to make it work.

Remember that the only way to get your ex back is to determine what went wrong in your relationship and figure out what you need to change. The reasons for breaking up are varied and each relationship has a unique solution. Once you have identified the root of your ex’s anger, you must move on to fixing the issues. Keeping perspective to get your ex back is easier said than done, but it’s worth it.

Avoiding making the same mistakes that led to the end of the relationship

This is the obvious answer, but to get your ex back, you must avoid making the same mistakes that caused the breakup in the first place. You must address that core issue. While you are alone and in the no contact time, the goal is to use that time to help you to reflect on the relationship and yourself. Take this period seriously, ensure that there are no reminders of your ex around so that your mind is clear.

Attempting to get your ex back, without truly accepting what ended the relationship to begin with, is a complete waste of time. If you cannot look at yourself and his behavior honestly, there is no point to going forward. And, if your ex or you continue to make the same mistakes that caused the breakup, you will only push each other further away and the end to your relationship will not be far off. Don’t get caught in the surface stuff, either – the love you have, better be deeper than his looks. People often feel strongly about getting back together, based on a sexual connection. Although that is hugely important, it won’t cut it as the basis for your relationship. That is not a foundation that will last. Another issue that may doom a romance is fear of commitment or inability to give completely. Many people are incapable of opening up about their true feelings for fear of being vulnerable, have deep scars that they have not addressed, etc. Think about where your relationship barriers are during the reflection time. Regardless, the no contact rule is primary because it allows you that space to wonder.

Rekindling the relationship does not mean lighting the same candle. As stated, it means starting a new relationship with someone. Never forget, you have two different personalities and that you didn’t fully realize the potential of the relationship in the past – remember why, in a positive and learn from it. Focus on being genuine and honest with yourself. Do not try to change your ex’s mind, simply to get together and let yourselves HONESTLY fall back together.

Last tips: People are visual & emotional creatures. Looking your best is awesome, but people can feel if you are weak or desperate – and if you are, you have not worked on yourself. You can’t hide neediness, it’s not attractive & your ex will not want you back. The same is true for being aggressive. Be sure to avoid arguing with your ex or acting jealous. Avoiding arguments in general, will help in life. And if after all this, you are still confused and none of this makes sense – call your loved ones. Sometimes, you just need the people who see you best to guide you through. Good luck out there, and make good choices.

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Through My Eyes

My Sister’s Struggle with Addiction and how it Affected My Family

By Kitty Noir

When I was younger I watched my older sister struggle through an active heroin addiction. I watched her lose everything, emotionally and physically. I watched her manipulate my parents and get away with a lot. I watched as my parents gave her chance after chance, as their hearts broke a little more with each chance. I watched my parents live in denial even when her addiction was literally knocking on their front door. They still denied it, and it ate away at them slowly. In Fact, they still live somewhat in denial of her lifestyle today. I did not really understand the extent of what was happening until I look back on it as an adult. I have a lot of unresolved feelings about the situation but have grown to understand that it isn’t about me, but that doesn’t invalidate what I went through as a sibling of an addict. My younger brother has a lot of resentment towards my older sister, and my parents, because of how everything played out. I can honestly say I do not blame him. As most of us know, addiction doesn’t just affect the addict, it also affects their loved ones. Not many people are closer to an addict then their immediate family.

My older sister was a star in our small hometown. She was an outstanding athlete and a decent student. She was the freshman who made the varsity teams. She lettered all four years in three different sports. My sister was all-state in volleyball and softball and was built to lead. My mother lived out her dreams through my sister. She put a lot of undue pressure on her to become a great athlete and earn a full ride scholarship for volleyball. My mother was an all-state athlete growing up and definitely wanted her children to follow in her steps. I think she saw the greatest potential in my sister so she really pushed her hard. I suppose all that pressure was stressful to my sister. Pressure from her coaches, pressure from my mother, and I assume the pressure she put on herself because of her perfectionist tendencies. She wanted to live up to all the expectations she felt that everyone had for her. On the outside she seemed very comfortable with all the attention she received, but I think on the inside it just became too much. Everyone has a breaking point and eventually she reached hers.

When she was in 8th grade she started hanging out with a new, older group of friends who also played sports. By ninth grade she was smoking pot regularly and had started to experiment with alcohol. She must have really liked the release that using gave her because it didn’t take long before she had tried almost every recreational drug out there and turned into quite the party goer. Throughout her using she was able to maintain her outstanding sports performances and although her grades did slip, she will still an above average student. I cannot tell you how many times my parents caught my sister with drugs and just looked the other way. Every time she would promise them that she would stop and it was just for “fun.” My mother and her would get into a huge argument, then my mother would comfort herself with her denial, and then life would go on. This was a constant cycle. Looking back, I suppose I cannot blame my mother because my sister was very manipulative. She was great at convincing people by telling them exactly what they wanted to hear. Her manipulation combined with my mother not wanting to admit that her outstanding athlete daughter also had a drug problem was a recipe for disaster. My sister graduated high school with a full ride scholarship to a prestigious university in our home state for a pre-med degree. Everyone looked the other way at the underlying issue; her addiction. She left for school in August. By December the coached had called my parents to let them know that she wasn’t showing up for practice and was displaying some concerning behavior. My parents talked with her and of course everything was back on track after that (so they told themselves). The following February my sister had switched her major out of pre-med because her grades had dropped so low she was no longer accepted in that specific program. By May she was kicked off the volleyball team and had lost her full ride scholarship. She came home with nothing. She had sold every single one of her personal belongings. All of them. Her laptop, all her clothes, her bed, her car, everything. The one thing she brought with her was a raging heroin addiction.

Her boyfriend of four years had left, and all her friends from high school were still off at college. It only continued to go downhill from there. My parents continued to support her, even after she crashed two of the cars they had gotten her and stole money from me. My parents offered to send her to rehab but she refused. They allowed her to live at the house but incidents kept happening and eventually my parents kicked her out. This was only after her dealer showed up on our family’s doorstep with a gun and threatened my mother. She moved to Washington and lived in a tent with her new boyfriend. She was doing what she needed to get by at that point. Working in a club to support her habit. She started muling drugs for her boyfriend and made some enemies along the way. She called my parents begging for help. She told them her life was in danger and they allowed her to come home on the condition that she get treatment. She agreed.

While she was in treatment her counselors suggested that our family go to therapy as well. Our family unit was in shambles. My brother and I were resentful towards my sister for putting my parents, and our family, through everything. We did not understand why she got all this attention every time she screwed up. We felt extra pressure to never make a mistake because she was making so many of them. It felt like even though we did everything “right”, it still was not enough in their eyes. My parent’s marriage was falling apart. My dad had started to see right through my sister’s manipulation but my mother just couldn’t see past it. He was pushing my mother to do the “tough love” thing and she just kept enabling my sister. My dad had threatened to take us younger kids and leave my mother if she didn’t stop living in denial. She was codependent on my sister’s addiction. We were a mess, and we needed just as much help as my sister to pull through this. It has taken years for everyone to heal from having a member of our family struggling with active addiction. Countless hours in therapy. Not only individual therapy but also family therapy.

Today my sister has been clean for almost ten years. I am so proud of her. The road to recovery has not been easy for her. She has relapsed many times but by the power of god she has been able to get back on track with her sobriety each time. She has a renewed sense of love for life. I can imagine being in the depths of an addiction that bad that she has a new appreciation for living. My family thanks god every day that she has been able to become sober. We have all mended our relationship with her and it feels good to be a functional family unit once again. She tells me that she takes her sobriety one day at a time, even after almost ten years sober. She has become an active member of the recovery community and helps newly recovered people navigate their world sober. She is currently enrolled in college again to become a licensed therapist. Helping others is something she feels passionate about and I know that she will be great. She was always meant for great things, and now she has found a way to serve god and others by helping people who are recovering from addiction.

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Grief

grief loved ones and addiction

In my experience grief means to learn acceptance. Learning to accept someone or something lost.

Maybe the loss was a loved one, a pet, or even a car. Although some grief feels stronger, all mourning holds common ground. During my transition from being an active addict to an addict in recovery grief was the one topic I had no desire in touching. I believed if I ignored the hurt somehow it would disappear. My grief became a part of me, locked to the deepest part of my core. If I was capable of masking such trauma no one would be able to make me relive the heartache. It wasn’t until years later that I realized the key to peace would be found in reliving that moment over and over. Addiction stole my life from me in more ways than one. It stole my family, my sanity, my innocence, my possessions, everything I stood for.

Unfortunately addiction also took my love and best friend. It was June 20th when I received the phone call. As I heard the words “Nathan has overdosed” slowly break away from his sisters quivering lips I turned cold and dropped to my knees. While I sat in the car on the way to the hospital the rage subsided and disbelief began to take over. The world became still, dark, I too had died. As his body laid motionless in the hospital bed; I remember the exact position of the equipment, the way his lips felt cold, the sound of him gasping for air while on life support. I laid beside him and wept while I kissed his perfect face, begging for him to stay. I promised I would keep him safe. Just after midnight God had plans of his own and called him home

I went into rehab unable to process the grief, convincing myself that his death didn’t truly happen. I distorted my own reality by saying he was either in jail or away playing lacrosse. In dismissing my feelings I shut out his family who was my own, I became angry, and could no longer find happiness. I battled with my grief for three years and never spoke a word. As his fourth year death anniversary approached I felt the inability to hide from the sadness I carefully buried. The pain hit me, suddenly and hard. I spent months crying, unable to get out of bed, questioning everything leading to the event when I finally caught a glimpse of relief. The memories of our seven years spent together came flooding back and I enjoyed reliving every day with him. The sadness of losing Nathan has not lessened nor has it gotten easier but it has become bearable. Once I decided to replace sorrow with love, I started to heal.

Throughout my journey with grief I’ve learned many different things, one being the inability to compare loss. Understanding one’s underlying distress can be attempted but never genuinely felt. This is what individualizes grief making each case its own. Another key point I found helpful was recognizing that there is no correct way to grieve. In the beginning I ignored the pain by pushing it further down and allowed the fury to consume me. It took me years to realize that allowing myself to grieve meant I was brave, strong, and capable of letting the suffering go. Initially I thought accepting loss meant I was allowing the loss to become real, that it was okay. I felt I was welcoming the idea of no longer having that physical love. I questioned myself as to why I would consider accepting such loss. In questioning myself I found that I didn’t “want” acceptance but “needed” it.

I spent endless nights wondering if there was something I should’ve or could’ve done to prevent his death, but there wasn’t. In doing this I destroyed myself in thinking if I got into the car two seconds earlier, I could have prevented the overdose. If he would have answered the phone or even brushed his teeth for an extra minute, he wouldn’t be gone. Maybe the two extra minutes could have saved him. Maybe the loss was inevitable or maybe his life would have been taken the next day for a different reason.

I strongly believe the beauty of the world would disappear if mankind had the ability to control heartache. Lessons wouldn’t be of value. I now remind myself I am only human, not intended to be perfect. Nor am I intended to comprehend how or why death happens. Today I understand I am only capable of damage control. I can either choose suffering or I can choose to be in control. After all, grief is the price paid for loving so much. What would loss mean if love wasn’t attached? It would be considered a win. Losing something or someone meaningless show no attachment. I chose to embrace the ebb and flow of every unseen wave while learning to swim.

I am able to relive the pain because I chose to control my grief, not allow the grief to control me. Accepting loss isn’t hard, it’s quite possibly the most traumatic lifelong roller coaster one can endure. I loved hard but I lost even harder. Love covered all of my offenses and most importantly it changed me. Would I be happier if I could avoid grief all together? The answer is no. If loss meant I was given the opportunity to love I would do it all over. I’m happy I was able to love Nathan for as long as I did.

LEARN MORE ABOUT DEALING WITH ADDICTION

Recovery isn’t just about sobriety, it is about living life on life’s terms and becoming responsible and productive. After an often lifelong struggle with addiction, many people find themselves without some of the basic skills to make their lives comfortable and happy.

At Broadway Treatment Center we are equipped with a compassionate and highly trained staff, where we can help you address these issues. Their first priority is making sure our clients are comfortable and on the right path to recovery. We have many different program tracks, amenities, and approaches to addiction recovery. This allows us to treat a wide range of patients, we truly have something for everyone. Please give us a call today at 714-443-8218 to speak with one of our addiction counselors, or visit our website at www.broadwaytreatmentcenter.com.

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